Posted on: February 22nd, 2009 RLEmily’s

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Posted on: February 22nd, 2009 RLE: Emily’s: What the F*ck?!

TH: *

GS: *

RL: No stars from me!

BH: *

Average Rating: *

Please excuse my French, but this restaurant was so awful, it inspires me to shout, incredulous, as I wave my hands in the air; “Why, oh why?!”

I now find myself somewhat stumped as to what to say. I simply can’t think of a good aspect to the evening we just had.

To begin with, we were initially impressed by the fact that they offered us two wine lists – one folder for the whites and another for the reds. Fantastic! Finally, as restaurant with enough options to suit even the stringent connoisseur, now if only they weren’t charging R500 a bottle for a wine that actually costs R50! After skimming through those same extensive options we were so disgusted by the ludicrous mark-up that we actually asked the waitress if they had a menu with “local” prices, instead of the tourist ones they were clearly pushing here. The waitress nervously replied that, “um, yes, they were quite high mark-ups, but that’s because…um…well… they’re high.” Wow. Insightful. We were then further informed that if we went to any of the other V&A restaurants we would find that their wines were even more expensive. Unfortunately for our rather sweet, but uninformed, waitress we happen to know this is not the case, and certainly not an excuse for blatantly ripping guests off even if it was. In fact, after a brief moment’s discussion, we decided that we’d rather pay their high corkage fee of R50 a bottle, and walk of to Caroline’s Wine Shop in the main building to purchase our own wine. Yes, that’s right. Two of us stood up from the table, and actually walked to an entirely different shop about 10min away in search of reasonably priced wine. Unfortunately, it turns out that Caroline’s closes at 5pm on a Saturday, and even Pick ‘n Pay (yes, we were that desperate) had already ceased wine sales. So, somewhat disgruntled, we returned to Emily’s empty handed and decided to make the best of it.

All well and good. The décor, although a little haphazard, has some charm in it’s eclecticism, red walls and chandeliers, the menu, although very short, looked like it had some interesting options, and our waitress was still sweet. Too bad this was as good as it got.

After having ditched the wine idea, we decided to make our choices from the cocktail selection. I immediately ordered the Tequila Sunrise, which I’ve had before and know I enjoy, while the others picked out some usual favourites such as a dirty Vodka Martini and Cosmopolitan. Little did we know that the waitress was obliged to make these herself, in between all her other duties. This meant that my drink arrived so far in advance of the others, that I had actually finished it by the time the next one arrived. A long gap preceded the delivery of each beverage, and by the end of it, the last person received their choice after a 45min wait. On top of this, the cocktails were somewhat crass versions of the original recipes; either too watered down, or too strong. I don’t blame the waitress, normally I wouldn’t even consider this her job. Which begs the question, why does an expensive, upmarket restaurant not have a bartender ensuring these things are made properly? If you can’t pull it together well, and in an appropriate amount of time, don’t offer it on your menu!

Never the less, we were committed to bringing you a review on our “E” restaurant so we persevered. We’d read that the restaurant was linked to a culinary school so naturally we were expecting something great for the food. As I’ve already mentioned, the menu, although small, looked promising as it featured some interesting elements. For example, BH selected a Beetroot Gazpacho with wasabi ice-cream as his starter. Not bad, but not particularly inspiring either. In fact, all of the starters left us a little cold. GS’s Liver Parfait was so cluttered with conflicting colours, flavours and textures, that he didn’t know where to begin and felt that every item was competing for attention rather than working together as a whole. My oysters also left much to be desired. Although the addition of the Hollandaise sauce was interesting, the oysters themselves seemed to be swimming in some sort of disastrously salty brine. So salty in fact, that I only made it through 3 of the 5 oysters before palming them off onto my cohorts. TH’s Pork Terrine was more successful, even tasting good, but we were left wondering why what was essentially pork stuffing was paired with a pasta shell of tuna. Shredded, straight out the tin tuna. Again, I raise my hands and ask; “why?!”

The mains had a different dilemma. They…perplexed us. They looked absolutely beautiful when they arrived, and we had a vague idea of what we had each ordered, and knew they sounded good on paper, but found that as we worked our way through the items we continually asked ourselves, “what is this?” Sure, the main ingredients were there; the mountain trout, the pork, linefish and crocodile, but what were these strange accompaniments? BH’s Mountain Trout had some sort of flavourless red mush perched on top of it as well as indescribable fishy medallions that vaguely resembled organs. We later discovered, by rereading the menu, that these items had been beetroot mash and scallops. Hmmm…ok…if you say so. GH’s crocodile on the other hand seemed to have been camouflaged in…we have no idea! Even the menu couldn’t help with this one. For a restaurant linked to a culinary school you think they would have a better grasp of food. I have to say though, they do get points for my Pork Fillet. Here the flavours were just right, the pork beautifully combining with the prunes, bacon and star anise demi-glaze. Well done!

This brought us to the close of the evening as, although the mains had appeared small, they were deceptively filling and left no room for dessert. Which if fine, because again, nothing really inspired us. The cheese platter sounded good, but we were too stuffed to attempt it.

This brought us to the bill. This part of the story starts as any other; we ask for the bill, it is brought to us, we add the tip and we agree to split it 50 / 50 between the two couples, we lay down our credit cards. So far, so good. And that’s when our very sweet waitress got involved. Our very sweet, but clearly not mathematical, waitress. Dividing a R1500 bill by 2 should be a fairly straight-forward process. She even had a calculator to help her out, but somehow she deduced that half of R1500 was R525 and rang it up on BH’s credit card. When we pointed out the problem, and just told her to run the same credit card for the balance BH owed she became flustered, running back and forth to the calculator. We should have realized there was a problem when she then proceeded to pick up GS’s card. As it turned out, her great plan was to bill GH for not only his amount, but also the balance of BH’s! This meant he was now liable for R975! How on earth does this make sense? You can’t just bill the other person, smile and say oops. It was at this point that we gave up any hope for this restaurant.

Our recommendation? Don’t visit. Ever.

Ambiance: **

Service: **

Food: **

Wine: *

Emily’s / Suite 202 / The Clock Tower / V&A Waterfront / Cape Town / Tel: 021 421 1133 / Email: caia@mweb.co.za / www.emily-s.com

Posted on: February 13th, 2009 THFogeys Railway House

I love Fogey’s. If anyone asks me for a recommendation for a simple, unpretentious, but quality restaurant with sea views - this is it: Go to Fogeys.

Perched above the old Muizenberg Railway Station (still in use), you have to ascend a very grimy-looking set of stairs to get to Fogey’s. Don’t let this deter you. Once you reach the top you’ll be greeted by the rustic old-world charm of the original building, furnished with casual elegance to create an intimate “home” feel. Don’t expect porcelain floors and shining chrome here - this restaurant is all about warmth, and the old stone and brick, ancient wooden floors, and cosy colours do just that.

The enclosed balcony (shielding you from the South Easter that so often pummels the coast) looks over the railroad into the bay, which is usually full of surfers at all times of day. The interior is set up with a small “stage” from which live musicians sing, play and otherwise entertain the patrons. A favourite place for up and coming Cape Town performers to showcase their talents, the music is usually kept light, so as not to distract from conversation and company. Check out the Fogey’s website for the line-up of artists

The menu is somewhat limited - I have to mention - but the food is great quality, and there are some fantastic vegetarian options that delight even a true carnivore like me. Meals are on the upper end of average price.

Fogeys Railway House / Muizenburg Station / Main Road / Muizenburg / Cape Town / Tel: 021 788 3252 / Email: info@fogeys.co.za / www.fogeys.co.za

Posted on: February 13th, 2009 THSimons

Set under the old Oak trees and pergolas of the Groot Constantia Wine Estate, its rolling lawns, views over the vinyards and very own river, make Simons the perfect summer spot for a lazy lunch, or long dinner.

One of two restaurants offered by Groot Constantia, Simons provides both indoor and alfresco dining on the shaded terrace, as well as a picnic option served under the oaks on the rolling lawns a little way from the restaurant itself. The restaurant food is reasonably priced, and has a variety of meals available, my personal favourite being the gourmet burgers. The salads are also fresh, interesting and delicious.

There are two set picnic menus (one slightly more expensive than the other) which are good, but not as good as the main restaurant. Think pasta salads, baby potatoes, cold meats, cheeses and a brownie for desert. Picnic seating is either comfortable camping chairs, wooden picnic benches, or a blanket, if you’d prefer. Waitors are still provided for drinks orders, and bringing out the food, and while the food is provided in disposable containers, proper cutlery and crockery are provided for you to eat off of - no paper plates at these picnics!

After your meal take a wander around the estate - there are some beautiful spots hidden in the trees, including a grand old swimming pool that is now the home of small frogs, dragonflies and other pond-creatures.

Evenings at Simons are a more lively affair, with Friday Band Night, Sunday Jazz and the occasional singles night to spice up your social calendar. From all reports they are great fun, and provide a no-pressure environment to meet new people.

Definitely one of my top casual summer restaurants.

Simons / Groot Constantia / Groot Constantia Road/ Constantia / Cape Town / Tel: 021 794 1143 / Email: simons@kristensen.co.za / www.simons.co.za

Posted on: February 9th, 2009 THJake’s on Summerley

Situated in an old house in the heart of Kenilworth, Jakes on Summerley is one of the few Cape Town restaurants that has maintained its style and reputation for over 30 years. Despite its age, Jakes has kept its decor and design trendy, modern and casual, thus avoiding the common pitfall of older restaurants: allowing their interiors to become dated and dreary.

The central focus of the restaurant is the small, fountained courtyard underneath an old pepper tree, perfect for those hot summer evenings. A bar area is provided on one side, for those pre-dinner cocktails, while the restaurant itself flows seamlessly from the interior into the courtyard. The style is a casual industrial-chic, with bare-brick walls, cafe tables, black, white and chrome. The patrons range from the occasional family group, to elderly couples, but are mostly young and trendy 30-somethings.

A fairly wide menu is available, from cafe food (available lunch and dinner), to your more serious steaks and seafood. Prices are reasonable, with a three course meal for two costing around R350, including the R25 corkage fee. The quality of food is, for the most part, superb, although I must recommend giving the Crispy Goujons of Linefish a miss unless you’re into fish-fingers for grownups. Jakes is famous for their Duck a l’Orange which for some odd reason is not on the menu, but still available. I could not resist trying their other speciality of deep fried ice-cream in a gingerbread crust, which was extremely rich, but worth every ounce of fat it no doubt deposited on my behind. Another memorable highlight was the smoked springbok carpaccio in a ginger and lime dressing – subtle and fresh, but somehow still earthy and dark. As GS said, “It makes you feel like a real carnivore”.

Jakes are currently running a special between 9 and 10pm, giving 25% off all cocktails, and introducing a loyalty card which will get you your 6th cocktail free. Definitely an interesting choice for a restaurant of this calibre, but perhaps they are trying to fill out their bar section in the later part of the evening.

Jake’s on Summerley/ Summerley Street / Kenilworth / Cape Town/ Tel: 021 797 0366 / info@jakes.co.za / www.jakes.co.za

Posted on: February 9th, 2009 BHD: DINE: Is…Fine

TH: ***
GS: ***
RL: **
BH: ***
Average Rating: ***

Fine in the same way that your girlfriend says “fine…” but you know there’s an undercurrent on something not being fine.

This “intimate 34 seater” restaurant is connected to the Andros Hotel, a five star establishment operating out of a renovated Sir Herbert Baker residence. Visually, the short walk from the foyer to the restaurant, through the bar, is beautifully decorated with old world charm befitting of the venue and, if we hadn’t been the only guests in the “Dining Room”, we would probably have been swept up in the refined elegance of the space. Instead it felt a bit like four people sharing a 20 seater table with a butler standing silently in corner ready to “pass the salt”. Luckily, the good company meant we could chat happily, if quietly so as not to disturb the hush, over our whiskeys and amarula’s, suitably refined drinks for the location, while glancing over the menu.

The entire menu is quite small and, excluding wines, it took up only two A4 pages. At first glance, the prices seem very reasonable, with most mains being between R60 – R90. Bare in mind though, the main doesn’t come with any sides so these need to be ordered separately, at a cost of R20 per side. We always try to ensure that we each try difference items on the menu so that we can get a full experience of the various dishes on offer. Usually this is quite easily achieved but in this case, with four diners, and a choice of 5 starters and 5 mains, we all had to be quite quick in “reserving” our meal of choice.

The wine list was a little disappointing, containing little beyond generic list of “good wines” found on every wine list aimed at the foreign market. Nothing wildly exciting. There are, however, a few wines that are cheaper by the glass than if you were to buy the bottle between 4 people. Meaning, of course, that you could just by 4 glasses and save yourself some cash. But then, if this is your primary focus, you probably shouldn’t be dining in upmarket establishments.

So, with the venue lacking the usual bustling ambiance, we decided to dive straight into the eating. We expected the 5 star experience associated with the Andros to be carried through into the food and so, assuming the non-informative nature of the menu with descriptions such as “line fish with sauce Albert”, was simply a ploy to dazzle us with the dishes once they arrived at the table, we forged ahead.

Our starters received mixed reactions; presented well but a bit hit-and-miss with the flavours. RL, having recently discovered the joys of carpaccio, ordered their Beef Carpaccio that was sliced thinly, just as she likes it, drizzled with lemon, sprinkled with cracked black pepper and topped with rocket. Her plate was emptied with very little sharing, a clear indication that she enjoyed it. My Roast Pumpkin soup, the soup of the day, was a well made traditional favourite with just the right balance of creamy-ness and sweetness and a dash of pepper. TH’s fishcakes looked very good, with a tangled mass of coriander delicately balanced on top but the fish cakes themselves were just that; fishcakes. Lacking that something special that makes you crave more. GS’s flash-fried calamari seemed be have missed the point of being “flash-fried” and remained a little chewy and flavourless.

At some point, a group of aging Brits appeared for their evening meal. As they passed our table, the conversations revolved around the state of the British banking systems and “did you know, if your balance drops below 10 000 pounds, the bank charges you 100 pounds a month, and that can get expensive…”, suitable banter for guests of a 5 star hotel.

A little disappointed with our starters but still hopeful, we eagerly anticipated our mains. RL ordered the Line Fish (Cape Salmon) with Sauce Albert that she seemed to enjoy until GS told her the “something that tastes so familiar” was actually horseradish mayonnaise. Although it did seem to be handmade, rather than from the local Pick ‘n Pay, once you realize you’re eating fish with mayo, the excitement level drops a little. I had the Grilled Sirloin with Blue Cheese and Hazelnut butter, which was exactly that. Sadly, the Sirloin was a little tough and without the butter, would have been rather flavourless. The Medium Rare was also a bit touch-and-go; ranging from very rare to medium well. TS’s fillet suffered from a similar problems in that it was not a great piece of meat and cooked a little inconsistently. GS’s Norwegian Salmon didn’t make him want to move to Norway but it was “fine”… yes, the same kind of fine I mentioned earlier. Our side dishes; Creamed Spinach, Roast Butternut and Roast Potatoes were very good and were quickly polished off, although this may have been due to their size (R20 = 6 pieces of potato). Never-the-less, these 3 dishes made a reasonable-sized accompaniment to our mains.

The ambiance, which had improved by the arrival of our fellow diners, was only increased when they started telling jokes, made funnier by their age and their stereotypically posh British accents… “It’s no longer called a cockpit, it’s now called the box office…”

Drowning our sorrows in highly priced average wine, we pinned out last hopes on the desserts. Although the descriptions were similarly curt, with desserts, your mind tends to fill in the blanks. RL decided to try the Rum & Raison Crème Caramel that was an average, if a little bitter, Crème Caramel but presented well. RL likes Crème Caramels though so she was happy. I ordered the Nougat Parfait, which I thoroughly enjoyed although towards the end it did get a little sweet. GS asked for the Cheese and Port of which TH was going to have a nibble. This platter greatly impressed us, as what arrived was virtually a meal on its own, complete with an assortment of cold meats, preserves and local cheeses.

And then is was over…

DINE didn’t really wow us or make us want to come back. Perhaps if the restaurant were full, the quality of food would have been better. Perhaps if the restaurant were more popular with non-hotel guests, the chef would be a little more daring with the menu. The restaurant was neither of these for our review and sadly the overall experience was little more than average.

Ambiance: ***
Service: ***
Food: **
Wine: **

The Andros Boutique Hotel / Corner Newlands & Phyllis Rd / Claremont / Cape Town / Tel: 021 797 9777 / www.andros.co.za

Posted on: February 4th, 2009 RLLimoncello

I’ve been to Limoncello in tucked away in a small Gardens street a few times now, and I have to say, sitting in the downstairs section is far nicer than the upstairs area. This may seem like a funny comment, but it really does make a difference to this Italian establishment.

While downstairs has an incredible buzz, filled with people, energy, casual banter and busy waiters, the upstairs section is hushed, reserved and almost unwelcoming. There’s a simple solution for this however; make sure you book a table downstairs and you won’t be disappointed. In fact, as the restaurant is incredibly small, this is an absolute necessity if you want to ensure you’re seated.

But onto more important topics; the food. Be prepared for all the Italian usuals such as pizza, pasta and salads with the freshest ingredients. Bread is served straight from the pizza oven, and pastas are tasty. Definitely meals to tuck into as you find yourself closely surrounded by true Italians and locals.

As prices have a good range, you’re sure to find something to fit your pocket. So, sit back, forget about how close that other table is, and enjoy the atmosphere.

Limoncello Ristorante / 8 Breda Street / Gardens / Cape Town / Tel: 021 461 5100 / Email: wapa@intekom.co.za / www.limoncello.co.za

You can also try booking through sexybyfood. Click Here.

Posted on: February 3rd, 2009 RLMeloncino

I find myself sitting here a little stumped as to what to say about Meloncino. It’s not that this V&A restaurant is bad, it’s just not particularly good either.

Sure, the service was friendly, and greatly improved since they first opened, but the interiors are a little cold despite the magnificent view and dominating warm orange tones. The menu seems large when you first open its pages, but as you look closely there’s very little out of the ordinary, or “must try”. On top of this, you’re faced with some hefty prices for some standard items (even the bread rolls come at a cost), and you have to wade through the Italian titles and the full descriptions (thankfully in English) before you know what you’re actually ordering. Personally, I like to take in what’s on offer at a glance, but then, maybe I’m part of the lazier portion of the human race.

Another disconcerting element to the restaurant is the TV. It’s placed right above the bar, which wouldn’t be a problem, except that the bar is in the centre of the restaurant. This means that your attention is continually distracted by sports or FTV. Not conducive to intimate dining or dinner conversation.

All in all, this is another one I’d leave to the tourists. Flavours are mundane, prices on the steep side and interiors, although striking, are uninviting.

Meloncino Ristorante • Bar • Pizzeria Italiano / Shop 259 / Upper Level / V&A Waterfront / Cape Town / Tel: 021 419 5558 / info@meloncino.co.za / www.meloncino.co.za